Review by Dana Bosley
I found this book very helpful, relatable and healing. As you know if you have read my writings, I’m big on combating negative self-chatter and building up self-worth. Our so called “inadequacies” and the shame, guilt and fear that come along with it can be debilitating. Instead of living our lives in a meaningful, joyous and helpful way those obstacles can stunt our growth. I was pleased to find that Brown’s research as a leading expert on shame, authenticity, and belonging, confirms and validates my own research and my own theory of the seven principles of meaningful living. You can find that article that I base my life coaching practice and writings of the Motivational Minutes on, in the archives of my blog under meaningful living in the category list. Brown has made a career out of studying difficult emotions such as fear and shame. She is a brave woman to address these uncomfortable feelings that many people care not to address. She courageously tackles the dark emotions that get in our way of leading a fuller life. I highly recommend this book as I found in reading it that some of that courage rubbed off on me. In this book she shares ten guideposts on the power of what she calls “wholehearted living”. Each guidepost is the focus of a chapter that contains illustrative stories, primarily from her own life; definitions, including the difference between shame and guilt; great quotes; and brief suggestions of activities or exercises to help you take action on her commentary. She emphasizes that above all other ingredients of living an emotionally healthy life is the importance of loving ourselves. I find this is really true but is often hard to grasp especially for those who have sacrificial and giving natures. However, I have found that you cannot give out of an empty vessel and it makes helping and loving others more effective if you love and respect yourself. The thing I like about this book is how she explains shame and fear and explains ways of engaging with the world from a place of worthiness. She intersperses her own personal journey with research and clinical observations of others of the work of living a “wholehearted” life, or “engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness.” The point is to embrace life and oneself with all the imperfections, releasing the stress of overdoing and overworking. I found the exercises for readers useful to continue my own development of growth and to be able to stand up to unrealistic expectations of others and myself as well as overcoming shame and inadequacies. Each day we face a barrage of images and messages from society and the media telling us who, what, and how we should be. We are led to believe that if we could only look perfect and lead perfect lives, we'd no longer feel inadequate. So most of us perform, please, and perfect, all the while wanting in our deepest hearts to be accepted for what we are and to stop having to prove ourselves. In her ten guideposts, Brown engages our minds, hearts, and spirits as she explores how we can cultivate the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, "No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough," and to go to bed at night thinking, "Yes, I am sometimes afraid, but I am also brave. And, yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable, but that doesn't change the truth that I am worthy of love and belonging." If you are interested in acquiring this book you can find it in the book store section of this site under the drop down menu self-improvement.
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Bathe in The Fountain of Meaningful Living
From Dana Bosley I want to take this opportunity to give you a brief over view of the seven principles to meaningful living and keys to thriving in hard times. These principles are what I base my coaching and writings on. The Motivation Minutes take these topics and subtopics covering each in more depth, however, the following might serve as an over view as you reflect on what you want your life to look like for you. No doubt many of you may already be living up to these goals, but for what it’s worth—some of you may need to think about how you can improve in some of these areas. One thing I know, every one of these points is important to living a meaningful life. 1. Attitude: Your attitude has so much to do with how you handle your situation, whether you make things harder on yourself, or easier. An important thing to remember is you are not a victim, you can make a choice to change things. Having a good attitude is acquired by developing the following: § Perspective: One of the most vital ingredients to a meaningful life and thriving in hard times is having a positive attitude, and remembering that it is all a matter of perspective and how you view your situations. § Limiting beliefs: On the opposite end of the spectrum, you need to recognize your limiting beliefs and fight to overcome them, in addition—fight your negative self chatter. § Positive thinking: Your thoughts can become your reality, so it’s a good thing to be thinking about the things you want and not about what you don’t want. § Vision & Motivation: Where there is no vision, the people perish. It is important to have a vision, a passion, a dream. This will keep you moving and progressing and give you meaning in life. § Goals & Habits: Once you know what your vision is, you need to develop a plan to obtain it. Then you need to plan your work and work your plan, as well as overcome your bad habits by making new ones. 2. Resilience: Studies have shown that people who have high resilience are those who have the most meaningful lives. Resilience is the ability to bounce back and is built by the following. § Adversity: Obstacles are part of life, but more than that, adversities deepen and enhance one’s life—if you let them. § Failure & Mistakes: Triumph is born out of failure and making mistakes. Learning to handle failure and mistakes gracefully is a hard lesson to learn, but well worth it if you want to be successful. § Risk taking: This goes along with your perspective toward failure. Once you have the right attitude toward failure, then some calculated risks won’t be that hard to take, and are in fact essential to take if you want to keep growing and making progress in your life. § Be prepared: Being prepared for the opportunities that come your way is also a part of resilience. Your golden opportunity will come and you need to be prepared and ready to step right into it. § Learning: Never stop learning. Learning expands your horizons and helps you to see what may seem invisible to others. 3. Moral Fiber: Your moral fiber really determines who you are and is decided by how you act when no one is around. It is the core of your being and is central to a meaningful life and consists of the following. § Character: Integrity, courage, honesty, dignity are all part of character. It is only as you develop a good character that you can hope to have a noble life. § Forgiveness: Forgiveness is imperative to cultivate. If you have past grudges, grievances, or bitterness, it is crucial to rid yourself of it. Lack of forgiveness can be the greatest hindrance to living a meaningful life and thriving in hard times. § Happiness & Success: Defining what success means to you is a key. True success does not lie in the abundance of the things you have, but in the happiness you have—it is a matter of perspective. § Manners: Courtesy, manners, and treating people with respect, increases your own self worth and dignity. This principle may seem unimportant but little things do matter and make a huge difference. § Priorities & Values: Knowing what things are important to you in life, and defining what your values are, are key. When you are not living in congruity with your values it can wreck havoc in your life, and this can be a source of stress, unhappiness and turmoil. 4. Relationships: Relationships are the cornerstone of life. You can either have good ones or bad ones. Making every effort to have good relationships in your life will make it all the deeper and richer. Conversely, not making the effort, can make your life miserable. § Support team: Surrounding yourself with supportive people—those who lift you up and encourage you—is imperative to becoming all that you are meant to be. It is said that you are the sum of the five closest people that you surround yourself with most often, so it is important to surround yourself with those you want to emulate. § Evaluate your friends: You could have negative influences around you that you are not even aware of. You need to pin point the negativity and minimize it. Do not let anyone, no matter how good their intentions, hijack your dreams. § Boundaries: Setting boundaries is an important quality to master—doing so can end a lot of unnecessary abuse you may be experiencing in your life. § Listening: So few really know how to listen, or are truly listened to. The art of listening is something well worth cultivating and using. § Building up others: Just as it is important for you to surround yourself with people who lift you up, it is equally as important that you lift up others. 5. Service: Studies show that serving the community is one of the seven human needs. With the following keys you can have that need fulfilled in a positive way. § Encouragement & Appreciation: There are too many people in the world who feel unappreciated and need encouragement in order to do their best. Be a force for good to fill that need. § Giving: The best way out of financial difficulty is by giving. You are never too poor to share what you have. When you see someone less fortunate than yourself, thank God for what you have, then reach out to help the other person. Give him or her what you can of yourself and your substance. § Love & Kindness: These two go hand in hand with giving. If you can’t give anything else, you can always give love and kindness. § Leaving a legacy: It’s never too soon to consider how you want to be remembered. What have you done to make your world a better place? § Doing your part to change the world for the better: You may think that the world’s problems are too big and there is nothing you can do about them. You may not be able to change the whole world, but you can change your part of the world--day by day, one change at a time. 6. Energy: One of our most fundamental needs as human beings is to spend and renew energy. However, in a world of relentlessly rising demand and chronic overdrive, most of us spend far more mental and emotional energy then we adequately renew, and far too little physical energy to stay fit. It is vital to recognize and plug up your energy drainers and to renew your energy. § Nutrition, Exercise & Sleep: With our bodies constantly being invaded with toxins, it is important we get the right nutrition. It’s during deep, sufficient sleep that our bodies not only renew and recharge, but also repair themselves. At the other end of the spectrum, exercise challenges our bodies physically, signals growth, and positively influences our cognitive functioning and mood. So eat right, exercise right, sleep right and live right. § Simplicity & Stress: There many things in our lives that add to our stress. One significant energy drainer is putting up with things that don’t work—or things that irritate us, such as clutter. Living simply takes some work to get the hang of, but will bring you great peace of mind. § Financial freedom: Use money but don’t let money use you. A huge energy drainer is the worry about money but you can be free from that. § Laughter: Laughter is a great mood elevator, de-stresser, and is over all good for your health--both mentally, physically and spiritually. § Pampering: It is important to celebrate both big and small wins in your life. Enjoy the moment. Take good care of yourself, even pamper yourself at times. A better you makes a better world. 7. Spirituality: We are all spiritual beings and thus are influenced by the spirit. No matter what your spiritual practice, it is important to connect with the spirit. § Quiet time & Journaling: It is extremely beneficial to take time out—time where there is nothing on your agenda, so you can think, read, write, dream or rest. Make time to relax and reflect, to pray, establish affirmations, meditate, to do the things that quiet your spirit. In addition, take time to write down or journal your thoughts, dreams and ideas—enjoy your journey, and record it. § Self-esteem & Personal Worth: Many people suffer because they don’t feel like they are worthy. This is so sad, but as you connect with the spirit, you will revitalize your human dignity and you’ll see just how special and unique you are. § Gratitude: Expressing thankfulness, gratitude, or praise on a regular basis can lead to an overflowing abundant life. I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to cultivate this habit. When showing gratitude becomes part of you, the results in your life and spirit will be magical. § Inner Beauty: To find inner beauty one must go beyond the epidermis into the soul of the human being. Inner beauty is an intangible quality that radiates from within and can only be cultivated by growing in spirit. This is just an overview of the seven principles to Meaningful Living. Each of the subtopics are whole studies in themselves and can make a world of difference on their own, but when all these principles are combined together and put into action, you’ll be amazed at the change it can make in the quality, depth, meaning, purpose and richness of your life. I invite you to bathe in the fountain of meaningful living and revel in the inspiration you will find there. Looking forward to enjoying the wonder of a meaningful life with you. Wishing you all the best, Coach Dana Quote of the day:
“He who does good to another also does good to himself." — Seneca Reflection: I’m ashamed to confess that, having lived in third world countries for years, being faced daily with beggars, and the overwhelming feeling that no matter how much I give, it’s never enough, I allowed my heart to harden a bit, being in a financial slump myself at the time. Thankfully the spirit of giving was able to get through to me, and the next time I saw a beggar sitting on the ground I knelt beside him and apologized that I didn’t have much money to give him, but I said what I had I would give. I wish you could have seen the smile that suddenly lit up his face. He gave me such a warm look of gratitude, it definitely made my day. Each time I take the time to stop for a beggar, to listen to their story of misfortune—seeing their response, so warm and grateful, softens my heart. Clearly, I receive more than I give. Whenever I start to feel a bit hardened to giving, I think back on this initial lesson learned and I'm moved to keep loving and to have a merciful outlook for those who, for one reason or another, have resorted to begging, knowing that in doing good to another I am also doing good to myself. Quote of the Day:
“Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in this world.” — Helen Keller Reflection: I suffered from self-pity for years. In my case, I was listening to my negative self-chatter. I would not only leave the door open for doubts to come in, but I would mull them over and over in my mind for hours on end. Pretty soon I was agreeing with all the negative talk going on in my mind. “Yes, that's right! I'm not perfect, and I don't have much to be happy about. I might as well quit!” But one day I realized what I was doing and ever since I have been on a mission to eradicate the negative chatter from my mind. The minute you start listening to those negative voices, you're done for! It will never end until you are dragged to the very bottom and left utterly defeated. Don't let this happen to you. My advice is to slam the door on the negative talk—don't listen to it for one second. Remember, that nobody is perfect, and even though you may have faults, this does not have to override all the good—your talents and good qualities that can help you succeed in life. Defeat your doubts by thinking happy positive thoughts. Sing, shout, start saying something cheerful and encouraging. Gratitude is the best defense against negative self-chatter. Review by Coach Dana Bosley
(Personal Development Coach) Over the years I have read this book more than 10 times and each time I learn something new. I always find something helpful and useful. It was especially helpful when I was in customer service and had to answer complaint mail, but the wisdom in these pages has also proven valuable in every other job I’ve held and in my relations with others in general. What it boils down to is when I put into practice the principles found in this book life goes easier, and when I don’t it doesn’t. As Carnegie explains, the majority of our success in life depends on our ability to communicate and manage personal relationships effectively whether at home or at work. This book will help you discover and develop the people skills you need to live well and prosper. It is one of the best known motivational books in history and has helped countless people to succeed in both their personal lives and business. It appeals equally to business audiences, self-help audiences, and general readers alike, because Dale Carnegie had an understanding of human nature that will never be outdated. We all can use help in our relationships and this book teaches us how. He addresses the fine art of getting along with people. The core principles of this book, originally written as a practical, working handbook on human relations are proven effective. He explains the fundamentals of handling people with a positive approach, how to make people like you, and how to be the kind of leader who inspires quality work, increased productivity and high morale. He teaches these skills through underlying principles of dealing with people so that they feel important and appreciated. He also emphasizes fundamental techniques for handling people without making them feel manipulated. One of the core ideas in this book is that it is possible to change other people's behavior by changing one's reaction to them. Carnegie says you help people cooperate by seeing the situation from the other person's point of view and "arousing in the other person an eager want." You learn how to make people like you, help people see your way of thinking, and influence people without causing offense or arousing resentment. For instance, "let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers," and "talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person." Carnegie illustrates his points with anecdotes of historical figures, leaders of the business world, and everyday folks which makes it very relatable, interesting and easy to see just how to put the principle he is discussing into practice. I highly recommend this book. It has helped me immeasurably and continues to do so on each new reading of it. I can’t think of anyone it wouldn’t do the same for, everyone should read it. It is a great guide to being a better person while at the same time it is easy to read and follow Dale’s practical guidance. If you are interested in acquiring this book you can find it in the the book store under communication. Quote of the day:
“To be nobody-but-yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else–means to fight the hardest battle which any human can fight.” — E.E. Cummings Reflection: It's often said that winning is better than losing. Success is infinitely preferable to failure. But when the emphasis is always on winning, we become overcautious and fearful of making mistakes. When the emphasis is on competition, winner skills develop at the expense of empathy, co-operation and compromise, the real life arts essential to human success. Perhaps the most devastating effect of the “success ethic” is what we come to believe about ourselves—that we are valued for what we can produce or achieve, rather than for who we are. It is no wonder that we begin to think that being loved depends on winning. The best motivators and coaches know that one reason to recognize achievement is to help people concentrate on images of themselves succeeding, and that such mental exercises have an undeniable effect on performance. Make a list of your achievements and talents and take pride in what only you have to offer the world. Quote of the day:
“If you'd stop to think about it, you'd probably be surprised at how many thoughtful little things you could find to do for others that would cost almost nothing and take almost no time. Become a master of the five-minute favor.” — Shannon Shayler Reflection: Become a master of the five-minute favor—I love this idea. It reminds me of something I saw on Youtube recently called the “Chain of Kindness”. A city worker stops to help a young boy pick up his papers and it causes a ripple effect--the boy in turn helps an elderly woman, and the woman helps someone else, and on and on the chain of kindness goes until it finally goes the full circle returning to the city worker who started the chain. That one five-minute favor influenced a wide range of people and caused a ripple effect that changed one part of the world for the better. If you are looking for a way to change the world around you, why not start your own chain of kindness. Book Review by Dana Bosley
Having braved her husband’s near death, survived her own fight with cancer, and lived bed-ridden for years with the debilitating pain of fibromyalgia, Marie Morrow speaks with the expertise of someone who has truly “been there”, she knows firsthand the deep heartache and challenges of those facing severe illness. Marie has journeyed deep down into the caves of affliction and has emerged laden with priceless treasures to share. Throughout this book, Marie candidly shares the hidden secrets of her heart, and reveals heavenly insights. She delves into such topics as: facing death, the will to live when life is unbearable, overcoming fear and depression, coping with chronic pain and long-term illness, adjusting to disability, learning to find beauty in life again, and the biggest question asked the world over, “Why does God allow suffering?” “Tears Turned to Gold” is a deeply spiritual and uplifting book, filled with messages of comfort and hope received from the Heavenly realm. Join Marie, as she invites you to share a glimpse of her remarkable journey and to meet the loving and compassionate God with Whom she has so intimately walked. This book is especially good for people with chronic illness, cancer, fibromyalgia or who find themselves in other life challenging situations. It's a must-read for those who have or are experiencing heart ache, sorrow or illness in their lives. Hope and understanding are paramount in this wonderful book. The author explains in a very clear way how God works in our lives and why God doesn't always rescue us from life's trials. She interweaves her incredible life experiences with insight from Heaven. Marie's passion and desire is to bring a message of hope and comfort to those touched by the pains and hardships of life. It is this passion and goal that has led to the creation of Treasures of Comfort ministries. If you are interested in reading her story you can find out how to buy the book you can find a link to it in the book store under the drop down menus under Inspiration. Quote of the day:
“To keep the body in good health is a duty.... Otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear.” — Buddha Reflection: Some of us think that we have no time to exercise, and, I'm sorry to say that I have thought that way at times. However, exercise is important not only to our physical body but also to our state of mind. When we are doing physical activity it releases endorphins into our body, which increases our sense of well-being and makes it easier to approach the challenges of life positively. After considering the major benefits of exercise I'm of the same opinion as Stephen Covey when he said, “We don't have time not to [exercise]. We're talking about three to six hours a week - or a minimum of thirty minutes a day, every other day. That hardly seems an inordinate amount of time considering the tremendous benefits in terms of the impact on the other 162 - 165 hours of the week.” If you don’t already have an exercise program, why not start by taking a walk today and begin to keep your “mind strong and clear”. Quote of the day:
“Do all the good you can, by all the means you can.” — John Wesley Reflection: This is a cute story, based on truth. A rich man said to his minister, "Why is it everyone is always criticizing me for being miserly, when everyone knows that I have made provision to leave everything I possess to charity when I die?" "Well," said the minister, "let me tell you about the pig and the cow. The pig was lamenting to the cow one day about how unpopular he was. ‘'People are always talking about your gentleness and your kindness,' said the pig. 'You give milk and cream. But I give even more. I give bacon and ham--I give bristles and they even pickle my feet! Still no one likes me. I'm just a pig. Why is this?' The cow thought a minute, and then said: 'Well, maybe it's because I give while I'm still living.'" Are you giving while you live? If you need ideas for good places to give checkout the Radical Giving sife. |
AuthorThe goal of the blog is to provide interesting, motivational, soul feeding material. All to help remind us that God loves us all and wants a personal relationship with each of us and will take care of us in times of trouble. I aspire to be a force for good by providing you with positive input. I encourage you to share the blog with others. Archives
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