By Dr. J. Allan Peterson, Better Families
Humanity is prone to a negative mental attitude. Society’s input is predominantly negative. Our conversations at home accentuate the negative. Research shows that for every one negative thing you say to a child, you must say four positive things to keep the balance. And yet, how quick all of us are to pick out and emphasize the flaws and failures, but how slow we are to praise. Behavioral researcher Shad Helmsletter concurs, “Most of the everyday suggestions in our society are extremely negative. Violent TV translates into a more violent culture. Sensationalism in the media toward immediate gratification may well have helped produce the almost immediate use of harmful drugs. A big-city newspaper agreed not to put any stories about violence on the front page for a year. During that period the rate of violence in that city dropped significantly! As soon as the stories reappeared on the front page, the violence rate jumped right back up to where it had been before. It is also calculated that in an average home from birth until a child reaches the late teen years, he has heard negative comments such as, ‘It can’t be done,’ ‘You shouldn’t do that,’ ‘It’s impossible’, 148,200 times.” Be careful what you say, it may come back to haunt you. A new study finds that if you describe someone as athletic, cruel, talented, or dishonest, the listener will often see you the same way. The researchers conducted a series of four studies among university students to demonstrate that communicators become associated with the traits they describe in others. Some 75 to 80 percent of the students unconsciously transferred traits to the communicators of the information. What we give out will come back to us. The finest gift we can give another human being is the gift of an excellent expectation. The principle “give and it shall be given unto you” applies to expressing appreciation, too.
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"As long as a man stands in his own way, everything seems to be in his way.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson Reflection The following story attributed to Earl Nightingale is an example of how we often limit ourselves, or let others limit us. One time there was a farmer who had planted a crop of pumpkins. Walking through his field when the pumpkins were just beginning to develop, he came across a glass jug, which apparently a passing motorist had thrown into his field. As an experiment, he poked a very small pumpkin through the mouth of the jug, but he was careful not to damage the vine. Months later, when the field was fully developed and about ready for harvesting, the farmer, making one of his periodic inspections, again came across the glass jug. This time it was completely filled with the pumpkin he had put inside. The other pumpkins on the same vine were large and fully developed, but the pumpkin in the jug had not been able to grow beyond the confines of the glass prison and was shaped to its exact dimensions. What size and kind of jug are you going to poke yourself into or allow someone else to put you into? Don’t let anyone limit you, even yourself. Reinventing Yourself: How To Become The Person You've Always Wanted To Be By Steve Chandler2/18/2014 Review by Dana Bosley
The great challenge in life is to believe that you can change. “There's not necessarily something wrong with you, but you do it for the sheer joy of it”, Chandler says. There are two kinds of people, victims and owners. Transforming oneself from the victim mindset to the owner mindset is the purpose of this book. Throughout the book, the "owner" and "victim" are compared. Victims think power is beyond their control. Their core belief is that life is unfair. Owners are happy, not easily discouraged. Victims allow things to happen to them; owners make things happen. Language is a powerful weapon: victims use "should" and "ought," owners use "can" and "will." The victim is "swamped" by all the things he/she has to do; the owner is "focused" on the tasks before him/her. Owners address problems rather than avoiding them. Practice is a powerful weapon against the mediocre life. Losing is not defeat. Happiness can be mastered. I very much liked this book and concur with what Mr. Chandler says about victims and owners. If you are familiar with my Motivational Minutes, you know that I have written on “victims” as well as positive thinking, yet I too continue to find the need to actively battle negative self chatter and promote positive thinking and taking action. I highly recommend this book. Reinventing Yourself is a great book to help you see if you have a victim or owner mentality. Chandler helps you convert what could have been into what will be. He is not strong on the how-tos or techniques for breaking down negative barriers and letting go of pessimistic thoughts that prevent you from fulfilling, or even allowing yourself to conceive of your goals and dreams, however, by the end of the book you will realize which person (the victim or owner) lives within you, and acknowledging that is half the battle. Although I have found other books like Ask and It is Given by Ester and Jerry Hicks to have more helpful techniques, Steve’s book has some unique ideas such as the chapter on the 'ladder of selves' which I found quite interesting and I put this to use with very good results. I've found it's helped me to have a more balanced perspective. So while reading, grab a pen and paper and jot down ideas which will change your life and help you literally reinvent yourself. Steve's method is to help us learn the words to say to ourselves. He believes victims are victims of their own defeated thinking. What they watch, read and listen to can make them happy or sad. You literally have to reprogram your mind. Once you have done this and come to see the human spirit as a fire that needs to be lit daily, you can finally learn how to invite happiness into your life on a daily basis, no matter what the circumstances. Overall, this book is really about taking the old you, or parts of the old you, that you don't like and changing into the new you that you want to become. Good questions to ask yourself are: Is my current behavior getting in the way of me enjoying certain aspects of my life? Am I dragging other people down with me, including my loved ones? If so, do I want to change, or keep living half of the life I could be living? The real question though is: Are you brave enough to admit there's something about you that you wish to change/reinvent? And if so, are you willing to take it further—to walk along the path to make that change in yourself? Chandler shows us where to start and where we want to go from here. His statement, “You are the problem”, is one of his most valuable teachings. Because I own the problem, I become the solution. This simple idea seems harmless, but it is the most efficient tool to transform yourself. And the best thing about Chandler's method is that you can start anywhere, any time in your life. I highly recommend this book. If you are interested in acquiring a copy for yourself, or for a loved one, it is posted in the book store under self-improvement. |
AuthorThe goal of the blog is to provide interesting, motivational, soul feeding material. All to help remind us that God loves us all and wants a personal relationship with each of us and will take care of us in times of trouble. I aspire to be a force for good by providing you with positive input. I encourage you to share the blog with others. Archives
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