By Alice D. Domar, PhD
Can’t remember the last time you did something just because it made you smile? This exercise will help you find room in your overloaded schedule for small but powerful doses of bliss. Step 1—Map a typical day Create a pie chart that represents how you spend the 24 hours in an average day. If you sleep eight hours, draw a slice that occupies one-third of the pie. Then calculate how much time you spend doing other things—working, caretaking, cooking, and so on. No need to be exact; rough estimates will do. Step 2—List what you love Complete each sentence with a different activity. Don’t spend too much time thinking: Jot down the first answers that come to mind because those will typically be the truest. I could spend an entire rainy afternoon… When I was a kid, I used to love … I’ve always wanted to become really good at…. If I could do one thing every day of my life, it would be… I can lose track of time when I’m… Nothing clears my head like… When I’m feeling drained, all I want to do is… I feel most connected to my body when I’m… In my daydreams, I imagine myself…. I get a shot of energy when I… Step 3—Pencil in fun Redraw your time pie, including at least a few activities from your list; some might not be practical on a daily basis, but others may be more doable than you think. Look back at your typical day and identify time spent on unrewarding or unnecessary activities (think watching TV and chores you could be delegating). Then redirect those minutes to activities that make you light up. Step 4—Tell someone Call a trusted friend and share the details of your new schedule. Explain what you intend to do less of and what you aim to do more of, and ask her to check in with you from time to time. Studies have shown that people who share their resolutions are more motivated and more likely to achieve their goals.
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The Orchestra
By Katherine Kehler, adapted Someone told me once that we influence at least 250 people during our lifetime. Today, with the Internet connecting us with more people, I believe our influence is much greater. I recently watched a true story featured on the video, Paradise Road. It told of a woman who used her influence and training to give a group of women hope, courage, peace, unity, and a reason to keep living. The women were prisoners of war. They came from diverse backgrounds—high society and farmers. They were from different countries. At first, they didn’t trust each other, but as life became more difficult for them, they began to work together. One woman in particular became a positive force in an amazing way. With her music and organizational abilities, she united the women to form an orchestra. She patiently taught them how to use their voices to sound like instruments. Soon they were able to create a beautiful concert. She gave them something beautiful to focus on besides their own misery and their horrific surroundings. Every day women died at the hands of their captors or from disease, but the group was able to keep going because of her courage. Of course, some women wouldn’t join the choir and watched from afar, but most followed her lead. Over half the women in the choir died. One day, when they were having yet another funeral procession, one of the guards asked her, “Where is your orchestra now?” Instead of letting his remark discourage her, she picked up two rocks and began banging out a rhythm. Soon others followed her example, using sticks, shoes—whatever they could find. They were an orchestra again and were encouraged. Even those who usually sat and watched joined in the music. Finally, the war was over and they were set free. This woman had given them hope, courage, and even joy by inspiring them to make something beautiful in dire circumstances. Now think for a moment about the people we influence. The ones we meet at our local coffee shop, at the supermarket, clothing store, or online, as well as our neighbors, coworkers, friends, and family. We too, can help people see something beautiful in life, no matter the circumstances, and be a shining light in their world. Adapted from Motivated Magazine
Charles and Carla Coonradt tell the story of an immense, 19,000-pound whale, Shama, that is taught in Sea World, Florida, to jump 22 feet out of the water and perform tricks. How do you suppose they teach the whale to do that? A typical managerial approach would be to mount a rope at 22 feet high out of the water, and encourage the whale to sail over it. “Jump, whale!” Maybe get a bucket of fish up there, reward the whale when it does the right thing. Set goals! Aim high! And you and I know the whale would stay right where it was. The Coonradts say, “So how do the trainers at Sea World do it? Their number-one priority is to reinforce the behavior that they want repeated—in this case, to get a whale or porpoise to go over the rope. They influence the environment every way they can so that it supports the principle of making sure that the whale can’t fail. They start with the rope below the surface of the water, in a position where the whale can’t help but do what’s expected of it. Every time the whale goes over the rope, it gets positive reinforcement. It gets fed fish, patted, played with, and most important, it gets that reinforcement. “But what happens when the whale goes under the rope? Nothing—no electric shock, no constructive criticism, no developmental feedback, and no warnings in the personnel file. Whales are taught that their negative behavior will not be acknowledged. “Positive reinforcement is the cornerstone of that simple principle that produces such spectacular results. And as the whale begins to go over the rope more often than under, the trainers begin to raise the rope. It must be raised slowly enough so that the whale doesn’t starve, either physically or emotionally. “The simple lesson to be learned from the whale trainers is to over-celebrate. Make a big deal out of the good and little stuff that we want consistently. “Secondly, under-criticize. People know when they screw up. What they need is help. If we under-criticize, punish and discipline less than is expected, people will not forget the event and usually will not repeat it.” We need to make it difficult for people to fail, so there can be less criticism and more celebrations. By Curtis Peter Van Gorder (adapted from Motivated Magazine)
“Never judge a man until you’ve walked a mile in his shoes.” If there was anyone who knew all about that, it was Mother Teresa. After having lived among the poorest of the poor for nearly 30 years (and she would do the same for nearly 20 more), she was awarded the 1979 Nobel Peace Prize. She began her acceptance speech with the words, “Life is life.” She went on to explain that all human beings are special and of great worth, no matter who they are, and that only when we have learned to respect that fact can we begin to help them improve their lives. Most people would be happy to walk a mile in a pair of plush designer shoes or top-of-the-line athletic shoes, but how many would want to step into a poor laborer’s shoes? When I was living in Uganda, East Africa, I found a discarded pair of shoes that became to me a symbol of Africa and its sweet-spirited but struggling people. It was apparent from the cement splatters that their last owner had been a construction worker—a human cement mixer. Like many others I observed there, he no doubt worked long days in sweltering heat with no protection against the sun, and had only a couple of sticks of raw sugar cane for lunch. He had worn those shoes until the holes in the soles had gotten so big that the shoes no longer served their purpose. When there was no point in wearing them one more day, he left them for me to find. It wasn’t his intention, of course, but those shoes put my own petty problems into perspective. No, I didn’t actually walk a mile in them or even try them on. Just looking at them was enough to make me appreciate my many blessings, including the casual, comfortable shoes I usually wear. There wasn’t any question in my mind when, sometime later, a young man knocked at my door and asked for help. He had won a scholarship to a boarding school, but there was one requirement he couldn’t fulfill—he didn’t have any shoes. He asked if I had an extra pair I could give him. The ones I was wearing at the time fit him quite nicely, and that was that. No, one simple act of kindness didn’t make me a saint on the level of Mother Teresa, but I do believe that in that moment I experienced from the inside out a touch of what caused and kept her doing what she did all those years Here are eight characteristics of a hero:
1. Heroes are unexpected. Most of us expect heroes to be charming, muscular, and confident, but that’s not always the case. Often, the real heroes are hiding in obscurity, waiting for the time when their heroism is needed and comes to the fore. 2. Heroes are unknown. Real heroes often work quietly in the background somewhere. They aren’t famous, but rather unknown. They may be dreaming of adventure, while slightly scared of the cost. 3. Heroes are ordinary. Some heroes may even seem like “losers” in the eyes of some. They may be mopping floors somewhere, complete with dorky suspenders and awkward social skills. 4. Heroes become heroes through adversity. A hero’s skills are often untested, but conflict draws out their courage. 5. Heroes show up at the 11th hour. It’s not until the last moment when all hope seems lost that a hero distinguishes himself from the rest of the pack. Heroes surprise us. 6. Heroes push through the fear. They live what we know as true—that courage isn’t the absence of fear, but rather the facing of it. They acknowledge their feelings, but rise above them. 7. Heroes fight for others. Heroes emerge when the innocent are in peril. Heroes fight, not because they want to, but because those whom they love need their help. They may even feel reluctant, but when things get tough, they emerge ready to fight. 8. Heroes are prepared to sacrifice. Heroes often have to make a conscious effort to give up something so that others can be better off. They may have to risk losing their free time, social status, economic advantage or wealth, comfort or security, or even their life. They are willing to give up something personal to achieve something greater. What happens when you read this list? Do you find yourself identifying with the prospect of being a hero? Do you get excited? The reason that we love to hear stories about heroes is that they speak to something deep inside of us. They not only inspire, but also teach us that anyone can be a hero. If you want to read about true to life unsung heroes go to http://radgiving.weebly.com/ and read the blog and update pages. By Christina Carlino, adapted excerpts from her blog
Here’s how you can inspire your child to find the hero within: 1.Talk about your heroes. The people I have always looked up to are those willing to put themselves out on the line to help others. Talking about your icons of courage with your children is a way of sharing your dreams and giving them insight into who you were when growing up. It’s also a lovely way to communicate to your kids that they can have big dreams about who they want to be, too. 2. Don’t judge who they choose as heroes. So maybe we’d prefer our daughter to admire a national hero over a celebrity. But try not to show your disappointment and celebrate the positive aspects of her choice instead. For example, you can point out that the celebrity certainly worked hard to become such a successful star—that kind of commitment is what it took to reach her level of accomplishment. 3.Show that heroes are human. Even those who act in courageous ways don’t always do everything perfectly. Sometimes they fail, and sometimes they make poorly informed decisions. This is something that’s essential for kids to understand. 4. Praise your child when he acts heroically. If he stands up for his friend against a playground bully, tell him you’re proud of the courage he showed and the example he set for all his friends. You can also connect his positive actions to a hero you admire. By aligning your child with heroes we all admire, you give him the vision and support to become the greatest person he can be –and to find the hero within. By Christina Carlino, adapted excerpts from her blog
I watched as a parade of fairies, princesses, kitty cats, and other character-look-alikes pranced by my front window.—And then came my daughter. Dressed in camouflage fatigues and desert boots, a smudge of charcoal under each eye, my girl looked every bit the soldier. When she ran up to me and told me she wanted to protect me, I suddenly remembered the intention of her costume: My nine-year-old wanted to be a hero. I had to laugh. As a child, I adored Superman, the Bionic Woman, Mother Teresa, Julie Andrews in “The Sound of Music”, and TV doctors. As different as these idols may seem to some, to me they were all profoundly connected. In my mind, all of these folks were heroes—people helping other people. My daughter and I have had so many conversations about heroes. I tell her that I look up to those who teach me about courage, about standing up for the weak, about giving a voice to the voiceless. A hero shows me a better way to live my own life, and inspires me to push myself beyond my boundaries, to open my heart to those who may be nothing like me, and to offer my help whenever I can. When my daughter and I talk together about those we think of as heroes, I notice that her lovely brown eyes begin to shine. She revels in the idea of helping people or caring for animals. Her learning about heroes has made that her aspiration. If she sees a wounded bird, she wants to nurse it back to health. Whenever an elderly friend of ours comes to visit our house, my daughter always walks her back to her car and makes sure she is safely buckled up. I have seen first-hand how vital heroes are to our children’s lives. For my little girl, they encourage her to dream about the person that she hopes to be someday, and they remind me of the compassionate, loving hero she already is right now. Are you teaching your children to be heroes? Next Friday, Sept. 22nd I will be posting ways to inspire your child to find the hero within them. And Friday, Sept. 29th I will be posting Eight Characteristics of a Hero. Don’t miss them. By Dulcinea Fox
These days life is full of uncertainty for lots of people including me. I was lamenting this reality to a friend the other day, when she said, “Maybe you just need to embrace the chaos.” Embrace the chaos? Easier said than done. I don’t like chaos. I don’t know many people who do. But it got me thinking. A few days later I was about 30 minutes into my daily run when, after a few sudden claps of thunder, I found myself in pouring rain. And I mean pouring. There was no shelter in sight, so it seemed my only option was to make a dash for home. I drew a deep breath, and of I went. About five minutes down the road I was struck by a sudden succession of thoughts. Why was I running so frantically? And what was I running from? I was already drenched. My clothes had reached the saturation point. It wasn’t like getting home more quickly would get me home any drier. Suddenly, fussing about getting wet seemed kind of stupid. I reconsidered my options. Embrace the chaos! I stopped sprinting and focused on enjoying the thunder and lightning, the torrential rains, the gorges, the rushing stream that was once a path—all of it. It was exhilarating! Until that point I had been bemoaning my sorry, sopping state—my wet, clingy, uncomfortable clothes; the hair plastered annoyingly to my face and neck; the thoroughly soaked shoes that squish-squashed with every step. But as soon as I accepted that there was no alternative, I was able to surrender to the elements, relax, and even enjoy the walk home. There are some things that we just can’t avoid. Like a little chaos. Life has a way of backing us against a wall. But if we can stop fighting what we can’t change and accept the situation for what it is, we put ourselves in a better position to make the most of it. (Adapted from Activated magazine) As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “The only gift is a portion of one's self.” And that's what these twelve gifts are--gifts of you. They cost nothing, but are some of the most precious presents you can give to your friends and family. Their effects can last a lifetime.
The Gift of Time. In our busy world, the phrase “I don't have time to...” has become a universal complaint. Like a growing plant, any relationship between two people can thrive only if it receives care. Most human relationships profit from a simple tonic that is called “tincture of time.” A chatty phone call to an unhappy friend or a half-hour visit to someone who lives alone can mean a lot, but costs very little. The Gift of Good Example. Most people learn fundamental attitudes and behavior by observing others. Be a good example by handling difficult situations in a mature manner. The Gift of Acceptance. Many problems between husbands and wives or between friends begin when one person tries to change the other to fit preconceived notions. But did you know that often people begin to shed bad habits once they are accepted the way they are? The Gift of Seeing the Best in People. When we expect people to respond in a positive way, they usually do. The Gift of Giving Up a Bad Habit. All of us have habits that annoy those we love. What a great gift it would be if you could give up an unpleasant or unhealthy habit. The Gift of Teaching. Helping someone you love learn something new is an important investment in their future happiness. Sharing our talents with others is a good way to show our love. The Gift of Listening. Few of us know how to listen effectively. Too often we interrupt or act disinterested when someone else is talking. The Gift of Fun. There are people who “wet blanket” the happiness of those around them, while others lead people into finding fun in ordinary events. The Gift of Letting Others Give. When we let others give to us, and when we accept their gifts in a gracious manner, we may be giving them one of the most important gifts of all. The Gift of Privacy. Too often we tend to smother those we love with questions and demands on their time. Each of us has a need for companionship and a need for privacy. Relinquish some of your natural curiosity occasionally and give those you love the right to private thoughts and unshared feelings. The Gift of Self-Esteem. It's hard to resist the temptation to give unwanted or unnecessary advice and help to those we love. Such advice may unwittingly cripple a person's self-esteem. The Gift of Self-Disclosure. Relationships can either grow and expand, or become stale and decline. Self-disclosure--letting someone else discover more about you--can turn a wilting relationship into a flourishing one. It can also help sustain an already healthy friendship or marriage. Bottling up feelings, resentments and hopes is not only unhealthy, it also deprives others of truly knowing who you are. (From Activated Magazine) I read this article in the Activated Magazine and thought how true it was. We all need to be reminded sometimes that outward progress doesn’t necessarily reflect or measure of inward progress.
“When the seed of the Chinese Bamboo Tree is planted, watered, and nurtured, for years it doesn’t outwardly grow as much as an inch. Nothing happens for the first year. There’s no sign of growth. Not even a hint. The same thing happens— or doesn’t happen—the second year, and then the third year. The tree is carefully watered and fertilized each year, but nothing shows. No growth. Nothing! “So it goes as the sun rises and sets for four solid years. The farmer and his wife have nothing tangible to show for their labor or effort. Then, along comes year five. After five years of fertilizing and watering have passed, with nothing to show for it, the bamboo tree suddenly sprouts and grows eighty feet in just six week! “Did the little tree lie dormant for four years only to grow exponentially in the fifth? Or, was the little tree growing underground, developing a root system strong enough to support its potential for outward growth in the fifth year and beyond? The answer is, of course, obvious. Had the tree not developed a strong unseen foundation it could not have sustained its life as it grew.” –Zig Zigglar Your dreams, no matter how big, are not in vain. Just because you don’t see signs of progress now, do not grow weary in continuing to build, to give it everything you’ve got within you. Even when overly critical friends remind you of how much easier it would be to give up, to be more realistic, more practical, or find a new passion choose to believe that growth is happening underground. A root system is being formed within your life, the kind of roots that will outlast storms because of the hard work and commitment it’s taken to stand in faith for something it cannot easily prove or qualify. Continue to nurture and develop your roots and foundations, because every step or minute of effort makes a difference, and every step you take makes an impact. You may not see the change right away, but growth is happening. With patience and perseverance to attain our goals, and with God’s help, we can surely reach our dreams. |
AuthorThe goal of the blog is to provide interesting, motivational, soul feeding material. All to help remind us that God loves us all and wants a personal relationship with each of us and will take care of us in times of trouble. I aspire to be a force for good by providing you with positive input. I encourage you to share the blog with others. Archives
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